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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2022 3:57 pm 
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Location: Colerne North Wiltshire
Car Models: GSXR1000 K2,CB Two Fifty, Skoda Fabia EstOG Aero vert gone
beardydave wrote:
A Dutch tourist jumped into a lake to save my terrier who had fallen in and was drowning.

As he handed him to me he said "here is ze dog, dry him off and keep him varm, he vill be fine."

I asked if he was a vet, and he replied "vet? I'm bloody soaked!"


Much appreciated in our house. Thank you.

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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2022 8:32 pm 
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Car Models: 96 V4 & 9-3 Turbo-X
Nobody wants to listen to Whitesnake with me.

So here I go again on my own.

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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Sat Apr 30, 2022 5:26 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 5:35 pm
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Location: Staffordshire
Car Models: 9-5 Aero HOT estate. 03 Not anymore...
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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2022 8:38 pm 
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They say no man is an island, but Archie Pelago comes close.

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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2022 9:02 pm 
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Car Models: 9-5 SE
:lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2022 12:57 pm 
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Location: Apache country
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beardydave wrote:
They say no man is an island, but Archie Pelago comes close.


I didn't appreciate that atoll.

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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2022 1:56 pm 
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CitTone wrote:
beardydave wrote:
They say no man is an island, but Archie Pelago comes close.


I didn't appreciate that atoll.



:mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2022 7:31 pm 
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Isle get my coat


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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2022 12:33 pm 
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I wouldn't call myself a fan of steampunk, but I will admit that it's the healthiest way to prepare it.

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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2022 10:44 pm 
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Keep on hearing this on Absolute radio and it is true

south yorkshire police operations complex is based on Letsby Avenue :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2022 6:23 am 
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:lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2022 6:58 am 
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Car Models: 9-3 1.9Tid Vector Sport An.
SiT8FMIC wrote:
Keep on hearing this on Absolute radio and it is true

south yorkshire police operations complex is based on Letsby Avenue :lol:


New police station in st Ives , Cambridge was built on pig lane. Apparently that part of the road was renamed later.


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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2022 9:14 pm 
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One day sister Agnes, sister Margaret, sister Dorothy and sister Lillian are out in the Nunnery minibus when they are in a terrible accident and are all killed. All of them appear surrounded in bright white cloud and just ahead up a short path St Peter stands in front of a beautiful gold gate with a small font of holy water next to it. Sister Agnes is first to approach, St Peter welcomes her and says before you pass through the gates to heaven, you must answer one question, have you ever touched a mans private parts? Sister Agnes quietly replies I may have once touched one with my finger, St Peter replies dip the finger in the holy water and you may pass, so she dips her finger in the holy water and sure enough goes through the gates and onto heaven. Next sister Margaret approaches and is asked the same question, she replies that she may have once with her hand, so she dips her hand in the holy water and passes onto heaven. Sister Dorothy then starts to approach but before she can get to St Peter sister Lillian pushes past in front and asks, do you mind if I gargle the holy water before sister Dorothy washes her bum in it?

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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2022 11:04 pm 
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'...Do you think it's fair that only one company is allowed to make the game Monopoly?'

Running away from your problems does not count as exercise.



I think shredded cheese should be banned in England.
Make Britain grate again.

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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2022 7:34 am 
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SiT8FMIC wrote:
One day sister Agnes, sister Margaret, sister Dorothy and sister Lillian are out in the Nunnery minibus when they are in a terrible accident and are all killed. All of them appear surrounded in bright white cloud and just ahead up a short path St Peter stands in front of a beautiful gold gate with a small font of holy water next to it. Sister Agnes is first to approach, St Peter welcomes her and says before you pass through the gates to heaven, you must answer one question, have you ever touched a mans private parts? Sister Agnes quietly replies I may have once touched one with my finger, St Peter replies dip the finger in the holy water and you may pass, so she dips her finger in the holy water and sure enough goes through the gates and onto heaven. Next sister Margaret approaches and is asked the same question, she replies that she may have once with her hand, so she dips her hand in the holy water and passes onto heaven. Sister Dorothy then starts to approach but before she can get to St Peter sister Lillian pushes past in front and asks, do you mind if I gargle the holy water before sister Dorothy washes her bum in it?



Fantastic! Love a good nun joke.

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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2022 7:54 am 
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Posts: 192
Location: Stirling
Car Models: 9000, 9-5 Aero
Two nuns climbing over the convent wall at midnight - one says "gosh, I feel like a commando" to which the other replies "yes, so do I, but where do you think we'll find one at this time of night"!


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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2022 8:13 am 
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:lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2022 11:48 am 
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Car Models: 99L, 9000cse, Panda, Octavia estate and far too many 9-5s.
A streaker runs past three nuns. One had a stoke, the other two weren't quick enough.

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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2022 9:06 pm 
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:lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Joke of the day
PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2022 9:12 pm 
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One says 'You take the gun, I'll drive'


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